| police: | THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW!!! |
| me: | not with that attitude |
| me after running for one minute: | i'm still alive, but i'm barely breathing |
| To my parents: | I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment. I'm sorry I can't make good enough grades. I'm sorry I can't live up to your expectations. |
| To my friends: | I'm sorry I can't keep a long term friendship with any of you. I'm sorry we lose connection after a while. I'm sorry I never stayed. |
| To the people at my school: | I'm so sorry I'm weird. I'm sorry I don't fit in. I'm sorry I don't look pretty like all you. |
| To myself: | I'm sorry I was ever born, I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry if I put you down. I'm sorry I made you miserable. |
| me: | omg i can't believe it i only have 3 math problems for homework |
| *opens textbook* | |
| textbook: | please do parts a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, aa, ab, ac, ad, ae, af, and ag |
| *rips nipples off in a fit of rage and projectile vomits into textbook |
